I have officially decided that the 2007 Chiefs are going to be more synonymous with the term "loser" than Wile E. Coyote, Tom from famed cartoon comedic duo "Tom & Jerry" and Lauren from "The Hills".
To let you in on how amazing this statement is coming from me, I need to give you a brief course over my dedication level to this team over the years. I'll break it down by era.
A New Hope: A Nigerian Nightmare with Carl and Marty
These were the years that Carl Peterson and Marty Schottenheimer built a great defense with guys like Deron Cherry, Dino Hackett and Bill Maas. I was about eight years old. Up until then I liked the Bengals the best because I liked tigers and I thought that "Boomer" was a cool name for a QB. But let's be honest, Christian Okoye started it all. Okoye owned Tecmo Bowl, had his own poster and he led the league in rushing in 1989. The Okoye era was much like Joey Lawrence's musical career. When he came out he was huge, but people soon learned to hit him low and he was useless. He probably still has "Nigerian" nightmares about Steve Atwater. Overall, this era was hampered by Bill Kenney and Steve DeBerg. I still loved it though.
DT and Neil's bat swing
The early 90's became the Neil Smith and Derrick Thomas sack fest. Neil Smith was merciless against John Elway and Derrick Thomas was giving LT a run for his money as the league's best pass-rusher. Of course this team was hampered by having a QB duo in Steve Deberg and Dave Craig (the guy DT still holds the single-game sack record against) that never experienced a pass rush they couldn't scream and fall to the ground under. Brutal wild card losses made this era somewhat forgetable.
Are you going to use that QB or RB? No? Sweet, we'll take them!
The utterly dismal offense of the late 80's and early 90's transitioned into the Joe Montana /Marcus Allen team that almost got to the Superbowl. In 1993 and 1994, it seemed like Joe and Marcus were on a senior citizen quest for vengence not equalled since "Death Wish 4". Montana beat Steve Young head-to-head in 1994, and Marcus showed the Raiders that he was still better than any running back on their roster (I personally believe Marcus could be linked to Napoleon McCallum's grisly injury in 1994). The 1993 team in particular was only to be derailed by Montana's bum elbow and Derrick Thomas getting abused by Thurman Thomas. This was the last year they won a playoff game. It was against the Houston Oilers!!! A team that doesn't even exist anymore!
Hey, San Francisco. Do you have any quarterbacks you're not using?
Later, there was the retrospectively hilarious Steve Bono years followed by the agonizing Elvis Grbac years which should have been the Rich Gannon years (which I'm sure my uncle is very happy about me admitting now). Tragically Derrick Thomas died during this era and Neil Smith went to Denver to win two Superbowls. Gannon later went on to quarterback the Oakland Raiders to a Super Bowl while winning the MVP. The only thing that would have hurt more than the events of this era would have been if the lowly San Diego Chargers and Seattle Seahawks (formerly of the AFC west) would go on to be better than Kansas City at the same time ...
Just cry, baby!
Then we had the aerial show with Dick Vermeil which yielded tons of offensive records and one playoff appearance in which the Colts never punted. This team refused to field a legitimate defense, thus wasting the waning years of Willie Roaf and Will Shield's careers. Heartwarming.
In the year 2007 ...
The point of the Chiefs history lesson was that there was always next year. The team was going to be in the hunt. A wildcard could happen. Hell, at least the offense was fun to watch over the last few years. Our running backs were considered fantasy football studs and we were on national televison. Sure, we'd be disappointed in the end but at least there was something to cheer for.
Now we have reverted back to the early days of Marty Schottenheimer (funny enough, Herm was a coach on that staff). This team is slowly building a defense and chooses to run a ball-control offense. Judging by the pre-season and the first game against Houston (the Texans, not the Oilers by the way), KC is doomed this year. The receivers are no better then the moving bullseyes used during the best quarterback competition, Larry Johnson is getting stuffed and the kicking game is abysmal.
I'm really trying to wrap my mind around some of the personel decisions from this year. Let's go with a list here:
1) You release Lawrence Tynes. Good move. You draft Justin Medlock, a guy who kicked in sunny California his whole college career, in front of the Packers who drafted Mason Crosby, the consensous best kicker in the draft, who kicked in the Chief's back yard (the Big XII) and kicked in muliple weather situations. Bad move. Unless Carl's master plan was to draft Medlock so that the Packers would cut Dave Rayner when Crosby beat him out in camp, then cut Medlock and pick up Dave Rayner, this has been a disaster. I miss Lin Elliott, almost.
2) You watch Shields leave a year after Roaf retires only to ignore the offensive line in the draft until the sixth round where you take Herb Taylor. Really? I don't know what's worse, waiting to draft a lineman until the sixth round or drafting one named "Herb". At least we have Damion McIntosh and Kyle Turley, right? What's that you say? It's not 2004?
3) You basically burn the season before it starts by annointing Brodie Croyle, trading Trent Green and making Damon Huard the backup. You then stink it up in the preseason, bench Croyle and cut the third-string quarterback Casey Printers (a "Hard Knocks" legend now). Byron Leftwich becomes available and you don't sign him even though he would be the best quarterback on the roster, easily. I don't care what Jacksonville fans say, the guy never got a chance. Even without Leftwich, I'm disappointed that Brodie Croyle isn't the guy right now. It means less Kelli Croyle, and that is not good.
4) The defense may be better, but it's never a good thing when your corners are so old that one of them had a high top fade at some point in his life. They might have looked toward cornerback since there were 5,000 in this past year's draft. Look, I like Tamba Hali, Tank Tyler, Derrick Johnson, Bernard Pollard and Jarrad Page. I feel bad that they are going to have to protect a three-point lead all year. If they keep Jared Allen out of jail for the rest of the year, they might win a couple of games. Maybe.
After watching the debacle in Houston, I decided the year was over. That was painful. I've never felt so bored watching my favorite team play. Matt Shaub looked like John Elway. The Texan defense looked like the '85 Bears. To deal with this pain and to find a way to stay interested, I have decided to write about this entire year up to and including the NFL draft next year.
This could be a historic season. Possibly 0-16. Optimistically 4-12. Anyway you look at it, this team could be the team picking first in the draft next year. Unreal. I just hope they make the right choice if they do get the first pick. But they'll probably make a bad decision.
See you next week to discuss the pasting in Chicago!
*On an unrelated and slightly disturbing note, I found this picture of Tiki Barber while I was looking for other links. Feel validated Eli! feel validated.
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